A Clean Slate

I will never be as I was before.
My mind, my soul, what makes me more
all wiped clean.
The slate then smashed on the floor
shattered so completely, 
it can never be made whole.
I do not know how to begin again.
I can not seem to find the thread, my pen,
what I need to draw or write a new self.
My words are slowly dying too.
May be I will too.
Would it be a blessing.
But in this too, I am unsure.
If I should live or let go.
The mind which made decisions before,
it is no more.
Indecision. Self doubt. listlessness. despair.
Grip me again.
The flower bud which had dared to bloom
has shrivelled and died in my soul’s gloom.
I’m drowning again.
Hello old friend, welcome pain.
In the end, this is all that will remain.
Till that final breath, blows me out for good...

An Ex, Ex-Affair I

14th feb 2012

Diary entry:

Why do you linger on? Like the scent of crisp apple pie after it’s baked and cooled down, the taste of sour candy on your tongue, the wet air after a rainfall, the essence of his cologne months and months after he’s left my bed… you still linger... You’re there in the Autumn chill. In cool air that floats into my bedroom window. In every movement I make. Every decision. Every moment. You’re there....... 

I can wash my sheets, listen to different music, watch other TV shows, burn your pictures, delete you from my life, but I can’t delete you from my mind. I can’t wash you from my memories. I can’t forget our Autumn, I can’t forget you, I can’t forget us.... So I’ll keep changing my routine, taking different roads, washing the scent of you from my sheets, and erasing you from my life until one day, you won’t linger anymore....

Chahtein...

Kabhi-kabhi dil chahta hai

    kin bin kahe har icchha poori ho jaaye...

Dost tou dost,

    dushman bhi saath nibhaaye...

Baarish aaye,

    aur saath saare gam bhi dho le jaaye...

Hoton pe muskurahat,

    ghar bana jaaye...

Sapno ki nagri mei,

    hum bhi ek ghar banaye...

Andhero ki tanhayi me bhi,

    roshni chha jaaye...

Band pade unn rasto ke bhi,

    darwaaze khul jaaye...

Banjar padi aarzuon mei bhi,

    phool khil jaaye...

Mit na sake kuch aisi yaadein,

    hum bhi jee jaayein...

Bachpan ke woh din bhi,

    phir se laut aayein...

Haar-jeet se hum bhi,

    luka chhupi khel paayein...

Duniya se door,

    hum bhi apna ek jahan basayein...

Neend se jaage aur,

    sapne jee payein...

Chhuti ke baad bhi,

    ek aur chhuti manaye...

Parindon ke parr,

    hume bhi lag jaaye...

Duniya ki sair bhi,

    hum khud udd ke kar paayein...

Iss jahan se jaane par bhi,

    apni hasi peeche chhod jaaye...

Yaad kare jab zamaana hume,

    tou muskurahat unke labon pe bhi chhaye...

Kabhi-kabhi dil chahta hai,

    ki dil ki yeh chahtein sach ho jaayein...